“CunDuo”

To a Christian, worship is a selfless, spirit-led act of pure exaltation. It’s not a performance, it’s a gift to God – for it is only because of Him that we have a voice at all.

I lead the worship music in church, and I’ve been told that my voice blesses people. A close friend of no particular religious faith once told me, “Gina, when I hear you sing, I know that God exists.”

My Mom had asked that when Thursday night Bible Study started, I come downstairs and lead worship with my brother John. I said yes, only to defy her later and instead, just stay in my bedroom.

Because of this, I know my family isn’t happy with me. But Ricky, before you say it – let me do some explaining.

My brother leaves for good (more or less) in two days. He’s beginning his journey of internship, senior year, grad school, you know. Life.

When he’s away, I miss him. I regretfully wonder of all the Johnisms that I will never know. But in the past 4 years of semesters away and summers home, the thing I’ve come to miss most about living with him is our impromptu brother-sister living room piano-playing worship leading sessions. He calls it “CunDuo”.

You’d think I would’ve jumped at one last opportunity for CunDuo to unite. But I thought about it, and I realized that leading worship with John two days before he leaves for a group of 12 members of our church friends that have become family would most likely end in me riding the border between crying and sobbing.

First, my eyes would fall upon Aunt Rose and Uncle Joe’s brightly smiling, tear-stained light brown faces. Then, I’d turn towards Teri, thanking God once more for healing her body and her soul. Finally, the sobering sadness in realizing that I miss John already.
I would have been a wreck.

I’m usually all for public displays of emotion, but tonight I just wasn’t up to dealing with the repercussions of exposing my naked soul to a large group of people. I also really wanted to finish my book, The Warmth of Other Suns. So I stayed in my room and pretended not to hear them, all the while singing along to every line.

I knew I’d have to deal with all those emotions at some point. So, I did.

I prayed and worshipped later that night, and God showed up. He revealed truth to me that no random collision of chemicals could ever create.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3:17

In my sadness, I had completely forgotten my faith which frees me from sadness – that John and I share a worship-filled future of eternity in Heaven.

Author: Gina Maria

28-years-old. Greek & Italian. Amy Winehouse's long lost Jesus-loving sister.

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